Hey Fitties! Long time no blog…. I’m entering my second trimester and things are looking good. I’m feeling good, had a little of the all-day nausea, but the nausea seemed particularly bad if I was tired. So some seabands (those acupressure things that push on your wrists) and rest helped a lot.

I was just joking with my husband about shit people say when you’re pregnant. And no, it’s not shit PEOPLE say, it’s shit WOMEN say.

Heads up: It’s about to get REAL.

Imagine this: Your friend gets a job. SUPER excited about this new job.

Would you say this:

“Oh, just wait. Give it a few months and you’ll find out your co-workers are a bunch of jerks.”

“Oh, just wait. You’ll see, your boss is a complete incompetent.”

“Yeah, new jobs are great. But eventually, you end up having to do the work of 3 other people who just got laid off. And then you get laid off.”

Do those things have a probability of being true? Sure. Many people have experienced those things. Does that make these the socially accepted responses? No. It makes these ASSHOLE things to say.

Scenario 2:

Let’s say a couple you know just bought a house. Mazel-tov, yes?

Not quite!

“Oh just wait until your roof starts leaking in the winter — you can’t call the landlord anymore!”

“Oh boy, have fun spending every weekend doing yard work!”

“Hey, if you’re lucky, in a few years you’ll probably be able to sell it for what you paid for it!”

“There goes all your disposable income for the next 30 years!”

Again, POSSIBLE outcomes for someone buying a new house. Again, ASSHOLERY at work.

Scenario 3:

Someone you know just got married.

“Hey, that’s awesome. Being married was the best thing that ever happened to me. I don’t even mind that my husband got bald and fat. And don’t worry too much about 50% of marriages ending in divorce. You can stick it out if you want to.”

“Aw, enjoy that newlywed stage. It’s over so fast and then you’re left wondering what the hell you were thinking.”

“My husband cheated on me.”

“Oh great, now you get to go through the hassle of changing your name.”

Again, stuff that probably happened to you or someone you know. Again, ASSHOLE responses.

See, with every good experience in life comes a little pain in the ass. Like the process of buying a house. Biggest pain in the ass ever. Worth it? Yes. Or eating an entire box of Girl Scout cookies. Enjoyable? Yes. Will it make you feel sick after? Also yes. Totally worth? FUCK yes.

Nothing is ever an unmitigated delight. I don’t expect it to be. I don’t live in the land of a rainbow in every pot and a puppy in every driveway. Maybe other people are surprised when life isn’t handed to them easily on a silver platter. I’m not. I don’t go LOOKING for the bad, but when it happens it’s not a huge shock. So it’s not really helpful for the doom and gloom comments. Particularly when, you know, there are SERIOUS fucking things that can go wrong with this kid. Do I need you to point out to me that this baby will someday be shitting and puking all over me? No. I don’t care. I want a healthy, shitting and puking baby with the proper number of eyes, ears, toes and brain cells. That is ALL I care about. I don’t care if the kid doesn’t sleep until he’s 20 so long as he is healthy, happy and not living in my house.

I don’t know why people (ie, WOMEN) feel the need to tell you every miserable thing that could possibly happen (NO SLEEP EVER AGAIN UNTIL YOU’RE DEAD! BOOBS RUINED! APOCALYPTIC BABY SHITS THAT PEEL THE PAINT FROM YOUR WALLS! NO SEX EVER AGAIN UNTIL YOU’RE DEAD! PEEING YOUR PANTS EVERY TIME YOU LAUGH/SNEEZE/HICCUP!).

It’s nonsense. It’s stupid. It’s ASSHOLERY.

Stop it. Just STOP IT NOW.

If I’ve basically called you an asshole because you’ve done these things, I’m sort of sorry. Or I will be when I’m not pregnant anymore.

Oh yeah, to those of you who are thinking of having kids…. “JUST WAIT UNTIL YOUR PREGNANCY HORMONES HIT!”

Much love to ya from the stab-y, ragey princess and her sweet, innocent little pea.