I love what I do. I get to run around like a crazy person all day and sweat and shake and laugh and get a little ‘bit raunchy. And I have a hard time saying no. This applies to wine, to baked goods and to subbing fitness classes.
I’ve overdone it and my body is not happy. My, ahem, lady times are a off by a week, so I’m evidently on a 21 day cycle or something. TMI, yes, but that probably explains the ragey post below.
I’m trying to stay on top of my own workouts and pumping some iron so I can be an… uh, iron pumping stud. Oh my gosh oh my gosh, I did unassisted chin ups. I am all that is studly and pimp.
But yeah, tired. Sore. Blegh-y feeling. The overindulgence of sangria and tequila during 4th of July week didn’t help (no lie, I woke up with a phantom black eye. After 3 miniscule margaritas. I’m not talkin’ big honkin’ restaurant ones. 5 ouncers — including the ice.)
Anyway, so that’s that. I’m very conscious about my exercise love. It’s a fine line between love and compulsion. And I tend towards the compulsive. This is true with food, probably true with wine, with Patricia Cornwell novels and also celebrity gossip.
I have a hard time doing anything a little bit. I gotta do it a lot.
Inexplicably, I also decided today would be a great day to break my “no weighing” rule and get on a scale. For the first time since march. I’m up about 7 pounds, but the only place it’s really noticeable is my my chunky little thighs. Eh. I’ve mentioned before that I’ve stopped restricting fruit and grains, so part of the weight is increased glycogen/water storage in my studly muscles. Also, it stands to reason that an increase in muscles (ie, the ones used for chin-upping) will also lead to increased tissue to stock more glycogen molecules. Sort of like extra pockets to store energy.
Anyway, this is sort of an update to say that intuitive eating isn’t going so hot, because I’ve sort of hammered my body to shit. It’s tired and I’m having a hard time figuring out what are hunger cues and what are urges to eat carbs because I’ve been over-exercising.
Does this mean that intuitive eating isn’t working? I don’t think so. I think it’s a huge success that I recognize I’ve been doing things to my body that aren’t right for me. Other people can work a lot harder than I do and they seem fine. I’ve come a long way from my exercise-averse former self, so I think I need to cut myself some slack that I can’t teach 3-4 cardio classes a day. It’s just not me.
And I also think it’s a huge success that I’m aware that I’m not eating because of true hunger, but there are some false cues going on. It doesn’t mean I’m bad or fat or ugly or stupid or lazy or broken, it means I need more patience and kindness towards my body. That instead of throwing on some running shoes and “burning off” whatever I ate (or want to eat), maybe I should practice self-awareness and quiet for a bit.
In other words, intuitive eating has let me see that I’m out of balance. And I need to get back IN balance. Intuitive eating doesn’t work if you’re constantly ignoring your body’s pleas for rest, creative stimulation, solitude or maybe even support from others.
I will be honest — those 7 pounds bug me more than I would like. I want them gone, even if I know in my heart of hearts it’s not ALL fat.
So tonight I’m resting. Maybe watching garbage tv, maybe reading. I dunno. We’ll see where my fancy takes me. Have a great night guys. <3