Hey Fitties! If that’s not the worst title in blog history, then I just don’t know what.
Quick check in:
I spend a lot of my days trying not to rub my pokey little belly and lament about the loss of body sleekness that accompanied my loss of food obsession. Sigh.
Good riddance to the later, what’s your hurry to the former?
Thank you all so much for your supportive comments and messages about this little experiment I’m sharing. I would like to respond to you individually (and to be honest, there are like, uh, 11 comments, so come on Princess, get to typin’ already) but I’m keeping my nose in the books these days. Eventually I’ll be able to widen my focus and loosen my grip on people telling me to stop dieting. Right now, I’m afraid if I don’t spend every spare second reaffirming my commitment to not hurting myself anymore, I’ll jump on the closest 1200 calorie diet to get rid of that little pooch-a-looch around my middle.
(FYI, I burn about 2500-2700 cals per day when I’m teaching. 2100 on the weekends when I don’t teach. 1200 calories is just… Inhumane. Terrorists win at 1200 calories. When I see people posting about their 3 hours at the gym on 1200 calories I want to cry. And eat cookies. On their behalf).
So I survived my first Easter Intuitively Eating. I ate a lot of cheese and crackers, but not like, a shit ton of cheese and crackers. I had a lot of fruit salad and, to be frank, it was more than I needed but mad the pineapple was good.
Chocolate eggs: 0. Bunnies: 0. Easter candy of any kind: 0.
I did have some fancy wine though, it was a special occasion after all.
So a holiday that is centered, for all practical purposes, around eating candy and hardboiled foods that smell like farts. Yes, there’s also this. But mostly… chocolate and other candy-rific sundries.
No binge. No need to “cleanse” or “detox” myself. No need to “get strict” or “get back on track.” If that ain’t a raging success, then I don’t know what is.
Today, I took a little mental tally of my cals. I do this from time to time at night after I’ve spent the day eating when I’ve wanted and what I’ve wanted, without distraction, without hiding or sneaking. I felt really full all day. I had a few little mini-meals prior to teaching (this is the one “anti-intuitive eating” thing I have to do… typically, one shouldn’t eat in anticipation of hunger, but I really can’t sit down and have a steak in the middle of Zumba, when I know hunger will be striking, so allowances must be made).
The first week of IE, I probably over ate by 500-1000 calories a day. The second week, I over ate by 200-700 calories. Today, I’ve got a caloric deficit and a belly that feels REALLY full so I think I may be done for the day.
Obviously, I hope this continues. I’m afraid to focus on this (my focus can’t be “Intuitive eating will make me skinny.” My focus is “intuitive eating will end the war I have with food and my body. It will bring me peace with myself, and my body will assume it’s natural shape.” I try not to add the prayer to the end of that “please God please please please let my natural shape have thin thighs and a perky butt.” But God already knows.)
Here’s the book I’m using this week: The Food and Feelings Workbook. It turns out, I am basically emotionally stunted. There are evidently more emotions than happy, sad, hungry and stressed. Huh. Wild.