UGH. Have I mentioned how much I loathe having my picture taken? And video really is just having your picture taken continuously. What joy!
I had a great chat with some Zumbies yesterday after class (and over cupcakes) about the different insecurities that we have that hold us back from reaching for our dreams. The fear that we’re not good enough or not as good as other people who are doing what we want to do. We settle for what other people — parents, teachers, friends — tell us we’re capable of. We reach for the dreams that they tell us are safe and appropriate for us.
Is this making sense? I remember when I was about in the 5th grade my dad telling me that it was ridiculous to think about a career in dance with my body type. I don’t know who died and made my dad Balanchine, but evidently he knew what I was capable of in the 5th grade. 22 years later, I’m dancing. In your face (ew, sorry that clip is gross but so funny).
I was talking to a friend yesterday about her dream of going to New York to sing and act. My initial reaction was “Uh oh, that sounds really hard. Lots of girls want to do that… better have a safer dream.” Who the hell am I to know whether her dream is attainable or not? How can I tell her to aim lower and safer? That’s why so many of us lead lives of quiet desperation — because we aim safe and low.
Mostly I guess I’m saying I’m really terrified of putting these videos out there and I know my reach is exceeding my grasp right now. I’m going to do it anyway. I know I’m not tall enough, pretty enough, thin enough to do this. I should have had my grey hairs touched up. Crap, my nails are chipped. I don’t belong in this industry. I belong behind a desk pushing papers.
On the other hand, I didn’t work this hard to stay where I belong. Everything I wrote about my limitations is absolutely true. I have no business trying what I’m trying and I don’t care. I’m going to do it anyway.
See you soon Fitties. Kick some ass today.