Whole. Sometimes I don’t know what feels less comfortable, the absence of feeling whole or those unexpected moments when wholeness emerges. How did it get there? Where did it come from? Why am I suddenly feeling satisfied and complete when yesterday / this week/ this month have been marked by an absence of feeling whole?
And just as suddenly as it appeared, that content feeling, which is a little unnerving when your usual state is “lacking whole” vanishes. You’re left with the memory of feeling whole and you try to re-create the circumstances that brought you whole. If only we could perform a rain dance to summon wholeness back to our heart.
I wish I could understand why being or feeling whole is so elusive. I think that it can’t be our circumstances because I’ve been whole in good times and in bad. I think people more spiritual than I would say our sense of lack is due to a separation from God and it’s a sign I need to pray more, memorize more scriptures, sing more hymns. Wear longer skirts.
I think they may be on to something there, but I don’t the answer is to do more things that create the illusion of God-closeness. That’s merely a rain dance in evangelical clothing. Maybe the lack is there for a reason; maybe it’s to prompt us to seek wholeness from something other than our own achievements and relationships.
And… my 5 minutes are up. I’ll see you Fitties later this weekend for a tasty recipe!