I had a nice positive post all planned out for this morning about what to expect during your first fitness class (as a student). Then I popped open a cinnamon capsule to sprinkle on my almond buttered-toast (I’m out of the jarred cinnamon). So I got to thinking about the supplements I have, applauded myself for my ingenuity in using them on my toast, and then I thought about why I bought the supplements and I got really pissed off.
A few months ago I got a copy of the book the The 4-Hour Body by Tim Ferris. For some reason, I get really amped up about all these diets of promised fat loss and euphoria (not smart or healthy, btw). I lovingly stare at the pages, google reviews, read any previewed chapters I can get my mitts on… and then finally I cave into the urge to buy the diet promises. And they never work.
But I keep doing it.
Why? Because I am a fool. 99.95% of the time I am cynical, skeptical and cold-blooded. Until someone starts murmuring diet promises in my ear. Then I’m a slavering dolt.
Anyway. Most diets I’ve tried are, overall, fairly harmless (aside from the psychological damage I do to myself). This diet, however, was very different. If I remember correctly, it involved eating no grains or fruit. Beans, meat and veggies were the only menu items. On the plus side: You get a cheat day every week when you can eat whatever and whenever you want. The fine print: You have to do squats before and after (and ideally during) your feasts. Because nothing says diet freedom like doing sumo squats in the Capital Grille bathroom on Christmas Eve (yes, I did).
Long story short, despite Mr. Ferris’ initial assurances that 30 pounds would drop off in a week very easily (note: I already admitted I’m a fool. I know! I KNOW!), I gained SEVEN POUNDS. SEVEN. POUNDS. It took me about 7 months to lose said pounds. Other women on his website seemed to have the same problem. No fat loss, they’d complain. Not 30 pounds, not even ONE pound! The men fared pretty well, actually. Perhaps this is a lesson to women: If a 20-something year old dude is selling a big book telling you you can lose weight eating an entire pizza on your treat day, you should probably stay skeptical.
So if the beans, meat and veggies didn’t work, Mr. Ferris had other options. One was ice baths (huh wha? No thanks. And I thought this was supposed to be EASY! That doesn’t sound easy?) Another was eliminating tomatoes…. I don’t get that one either.
Finally, there were supplements. The supplements (like Decaffeinated Green Tea and Cinnamon) I kinda like. Who knows? Maybe they’re helping take off those SEVEN POUNDS. My hatred of this book is so great that, when someone mentioned getting his book The 4-Hour Workweek, I launched into a profanity-laden tirade that ended with the words, “Check the book out of the library. Don’t you dare put another dime into that son-of-a-bitch’s pocket.” If I didn’t have the Nook version of the book, I probably would have burned the damn thing.
So while I compile a list of supplements I sometimes remember to take, what supplements to do you recommend? What’s the craziest diet you’re embarrassed to admit you’ve tried? For me: It’s the one where you had to take a shot of olive oil an hour before you ate food.
Sigh. Don’t be like me, folks. Be better. Don’t be crazy.